I don’t think you’re broken, but indeed you are looking for something hard to find-a partner that would be OK with you never having sex with him, and having whatever sex you want with other people. And I know of many gay and straight relationships that are open, again mostly evolving over time. I guess I want both of those from the beginning. I know this is all but impossible to find. I feel fine about my wants but close friends think I feel this way because of my bad breakups. Am I broken? How do I go about finding this? However, when it comes to sex I now want more of a one-and-done. I still need and want sex but after one, two, MAYBE three hookups I don’t want to have sex with the person again, regardless of how good it was. I live in a large gay/bi-friendly city so an almost endless supply of sex partners isn’t a problem. I know of several gay and straight sexless relationships but those evolved over time. I didn’t see it coming. I’m a demonstrative person and enjoy the closeness and companionship of one person, I really enjoy and miss being in a relationship. The last one ended a little over a year ago when my ex came home and told me he was moving to another state with his new boyfriend, a guy who was our good friend. My emotional and sexual needs are no longer on the same page. I’m a middle-aged gay man with a couple of long-term relationships that ended suddenly and not on great terms under my belt. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Slate Plus members get more How to Do It each week.

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